Yeah, we see you sharks. You have the people going nutso for you over a week every summer. But keep your eyes on your back (like you even can), because there’s a new predator week in town. Polar Bear Week hasn’t been around long enough to take over Shark Week…yet, but I think it’s a fine time to compare both of these extreme Apex predators to truly find out which one comes out on top. Hint: This post is “made in Manitoba” home to the Polar Bear Capital of the World, so there might be some bias here…
Testing the elements
Sharks, you got that whole water predator thing figured out. I’ll give you that. But what happens if you jump ashore? You die. That’s what. Polar bears on the other hand are quite comfortable stalking their prey on both land and sea. I’m sure they’d fly up a mountain if there was a tasty seal sitting at the top. Polar bears are like the honey badger: they don’t care.
The only sharks I’ve seen on land are Left Shark and Land Shark and they’re not fooling anyone. Go back to the water, you’re drunk.
Warm-blooded vs. cold-blooded
Being warm is for cry babies, sharks. The King of the North wears one of the most insulated fur coats around, which lies nicely over its four-inch layer of fat. Four inches! And did you know their fur is hollow and transparent? All the better to trap air and be cozy. From what I found (in my ten-second research), the only shark chilling in northern waters is the Greenland sleeper shark. Sounds dozy. So our warm-blooded polar bears can handle more cold than cold-blooded sharks can. Step up your game, wussies!
All together now, “D’awwwwwww.” There doesn’t exist a more fiercely protective and loving wildlife mama than a mama bear. Just look at those happy cuddly cubs. The cuteness factor is too darn high.
Now, here is what a shark and its baby look like together. It’s 100% accurate.
So you gotta give the parenting skills to the polar bear. Unless it’s a catshark and baby. Now that I can get behind.
Yeah, yeah, the great white shark is the largest predatory fish on earth and has 300 serrated triangular teeth in its gigantic mouth to prove it. But never forget, polar bears are not the largest terrestrial predator for nothing. The Lord of the Arctic has been known to defeat a walrus twice its weight. But even I have to admit their cuteness does make them seem less dangerous, which is most likely all part of their plan (insert *diabolically rubs paws together* here). Those sharks though…they look as nasty as their attitude, so they win this round, but by a very slim chum trail.
C’mon, polar bears win this round hands down. No one puts Coca-Cola in the dusty corner. One of the most recognizable brands in the world knows which animal they can entrust to sell its most popular drink. And in turn, they work to help these magnificent beasts out. Refreshing!
The best I can find for sharks is vacuums. Haha, that sucks, literally.
Ok, sharks, I have to give you this round. Even my homer love for Manitoba cannot argue with your cinematic success. Heck, I’ve watched Jaws at least 20 times (and counting) with the fam. You also pump out one of those ridiculous cult Sharknado movies once a year. Sharks, your jaggedy teeth and nasty attitude make for a scary cinematic combo.
All the polar bear has in this category is some Golden Compass gladiator bear, which might be more frightening IF THERE WASN’T A LITTLE GIRL HANGING WITH IT LIKE NBD! This is just not scary enough people. We need to do better. We’re going to need a bigger boat load of polar bear movies.
So there you have it. Polar bears eek out a 4 to 2 win against sharks. But aren’t we all winners here? Because you can’t beat spending a bit of your time with two of the coolest animals on the planet. From a safe distance, of course.
To learn more about the polar bears of northern Manitoba and how you can experience them in their natural habitat, visit Everything Churchill. And in case you didn’t know, the Manitoba prairies were rife with sharks…80,000,000 years ago when our land was one gigantic seaway filled with crazy prehistoric killing machines. You can see what’s left of those beasts at the Canadian Fossil Discovery Centre. Safe travels! ❤️